Tuesday afternoon sensational post. YOU CAN DIE BY EATING VEGETABLES. Thats a good enough reason for me to stop this madness. From now on, please call me Banana Split Nick…my diet will now avoid all vegetables and fruit so I can stay away from all these killers….
Health Food: Apple
Reason it will kill you: so innocent, so deadly….the seeds of an apple contain small traces of cyanide.
How to avoid it killing you: don’t eat the seeds of 25 apples all at one time. You will die!
Healthy Food: Kidney Bean
Reason it will kill you: eating as few as 5 raw kidney beans will induce nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.
How to avoid it killing you: boil them for at least 10 minutes. even slow cooking them will not do it, you have to boil them. Or buy em in the can haha
Healthy Food: Nutmeg
Reason it will kill you: contains myristicin which “can lead to a physical state somewhere between waking and dreaming”, so says Wikipedia. Sounds pretty good, actually. I can just see it now…”dude, lets get high off Nutmeg!” It takes 7 hours to hit you though, and can last as long as 72 hours! Guess you probably won’t die off nutmeg, but you might want to see what it feels like to fly. That might kill you.
How to avoid it killing you: don’t eat it raw.
Healthy Food: Onions and garlic
Reason it will kill you: contain thiosulphate which can kill dogs and cats.
How to avoid it killing you: don’t give Buster your leftover fajita scraps.
Healthy Food: cherries
Reason it will kill you: the leaves and pits of a cherry contain cyanide.
How to avoid it killing you: I know you are hungry, but don’t eat the leaves and pits of cherries. Not only will you get the squirts, you will DIE.
Healthy Food: lima beans
Reason it will kill you: contains linamarin. One handful of raw beans will make you violently ill.
How to avoid it killing you: You gotta cook those beans.
Healthy Food: tomato
Reason it will kill you: the leaves and stems of tomato plans contain atropine, which will cause you to have an upset stomach and will mess up your nervous system.
How to avoid it killing you: Say no to tomato leaf tea (I have never heard of this!) and don’t eat the whole plant, just the fruit (vegetable). Is tomato a fruit or a vegetable? I should investigate.
Healthy Food: rhubarb
Reason it will kill you: the leaves of the rhubarb contain oxalic acid, which will dissolve your kidneys. They are so sour that your body will reject them by the time you poison yourself. But still.
How to avoid it killing you: Rhubarb stalks are fine, its just the leaves. Dont eat the leaves. It’s the LEAVES.
Healthy Food: mango
Reason it will kill you: the skin and sap of the mango tree will cause you to break out in poison ivy-like skin rashes.
How to avoid it killing you: Don’t rub up against the mango tree (What? No mango-tree hugs? damn!), and certainly do not drink the mango tree sap.
Healthy Food: some mushrooms
Reason it will kill you: Hey bro, don’t go out in the wilds of Oregon and pick any ol mushroom. Some may bring you closer to seeing god, but some may kill you too. Better leave it to the pros and stick to the ones at Fred Meyers.
How to avoid it killing you: knowing a shroom expert, or just buying them at the store, not from Stoner Dave down the street.
It’s fun to think about the our poor ancestors that had to learn the hard way that these things are a killer. Mother Nature booby traps.